Monday, July 8, 2013

The Walker

Dear Scarlett,
My walker arrived today. It's purple, the color you chose over red and blue. "What is it?!" you screamed with excitement. I will admit to being less excited, but maybe not by much. While the idea of a walker is...the word that comes to mind is TERRIBLE...I can't ignore the fact that I need it. It's getting very tough for me to get around, even with ankle braces and a cane. So, enter the purple walker. We took it out today to run errands with Aunt Shishie, and it definitely made things easier. Mainly, it allows me to walk without hanging on to someone, and I'll take my moments of independence where I can get them.

Last night you and I had a brief talk about my abilities. I was trying to explain to you how much I want to go swimming with you, to chase you, to race and run and swing you around. I want you to know that when I sit to the side while Dad and Shishie and Uncle Rob do those things with you, it's not because I don't want to play with you. I think you understood, and I tried to keep things light. We do a lot of things together: reading, listening to music, cooking and snuggling. I still do your hair, although that is only fun when you're not flailing around as though the comb is made of swamp fire. I know I should be grateful every single time I get to squeeze you, but sometimes I just feel so cheated out of those other moments I badly want to be a part of.

Dad took last week off of work, and we had such a good time. The two of you biked to the Exploratorium and had lunch at the Ferry Building. We all went to your swim class, and had dinner together every night. This weekend to celebrate the Fourth of July, we went to Carmel with Shishie, Rob and Baby Jack. We stayed at the Carmel Valley Ranch, where we've been a few times before, and it was basically a big pool fest. One night we roasted marshmallows and made S'mores, another night you danced wildly to a bluegrass band. The lead singer called out to you, "Young lady in the polka dot dress, you are hired!" In the mornings, you ran out of our room to see Baby Jack, and the two of you played and rolled around. As usual, you dressed up in every single article of clothing that Shishie packed for him. It was a great trip.

It's important for me to write these things down, because remembering all of the good times we still have every day helps me to balance out the harder times. It's not easy, but you make it fun. Dad makes it fun. Our whole family and all of my crazy, wonderful friends make it fun. I am grateful for that.

Also, I'm glad you chose purple. Good color for a walker.